Time for a post

I really haven't really gotten a hang of Blogspot yet... my posts are still too sporadic at best. Its late and I should be in bed. But this is the only time I feel like posting. 3DYC was good, Christmas went well. School did not go smoothly. I hate papers, I can't write papers.

I wonder what my direction is in life. I am trying to learn to be content in some areas of my life...relational and occupational. I honestly like my job. Most days I can look back with a sense of pride and accomplishment with what I have done and realize what impact it has on the ministry at church.

College is an area of life that frustrates me. Why can't I write a freakin' paper? Why can't stick with it? Is this God's way of closing a door in my life, or what? One verse that has always intrigued me was Acts 4:13 "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus."

Looking at this verse right now I see problems in my own life. Where is the courage in my life? Are people taking note that I have been with Jesus?

This leads me to another point... I fear I am too content in my relationship with Christ. I think I am starting to understand how it was to live in the time of Israel leading to captivity. Other things started to erode their dedication to the LORD, whether it was worshipping idols, or forgetting the Law.

Now I'm not saying I'm being enticed by golden calves or so on, but something more dangerous. Doing life. Doing Ministry. Apathy. I am stiff-necked and stubborn. I have seen the miraculous wonders of the LORD, and yet I don't follow him whole-heatedly.

This doesn't scare me. Yet I am scared to death by that statement.

I guess in short, I suck at being a Christ-follower. In the meantime, I need to love Christ more. All my problems will either be taken care of or won't matter if I can do that.