Focus.

My brother-in-law showed me this the other day. Typical 70's music, right? Well, you have to watch the whole performance...

Being Pissed off at God

God really pisses me off sometimes.

Jeff! How dare you say that!

I'm sorry if your offended by terminology, well not really. Wait to pass judgment on me until after you are done reading this.

I know that God is good. I know that God is loving. I know that God wants the best for me. Its just sometimes I'm a little slow to understand that. I struggle with why when I am living according to how I understand God's word and plan, he decides to do something different.

Look at Jonah, he knew that the Lord was gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and would forgive the people of Ninevah. Yet he was still angry at God for whatever reason.

When it comes down to being pissed off at God, I'm really pissed off at myself. I know what scripture says,"For my thoughts re not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8-9. Francis Chan in Chapter two of his book, Crazy Love, reminds us that this whole life thing is not about us, it is about God. Everything that we do should be to point others to him and bring him glory.

I don't like change without knowing what is going to happen next. I want a God that I can understand, that I can predict, so I know what I am to do next. God does not mold himself into my view of who he should be... He already is who he is and has always been that way.

So here I am, frustrated at myself at times. I don't understand why God allows specific things to happen or not happen in my life. I don't understand his timing. I don't why he loves me so much and desperately wants me to surrender my stubborn heart over and over to his will in order to bring him glory. But one thing I know in the end: ultimately God is always right, whether I agree with him right away or not. So I must realize the sooner I wrestle through my thought processes and understanding, and surrender my heart to his will, and truly place my trust in him, he will make the path that I'm to travel straight. Easy? Most definitely not. I think the whole reason why its not easy is because I'm involved in this process. But that is how God chooses to teach me and refine me.

So long, old friend

I love roller coasters. That is, once I finally got over the emotional and psychological trauma of my father forcing me to go on the Ocean Motion at a very young age. In recent years, one of the classics at Cedar Point has been under appreciated and over looked by its newer and flashier sibling. I guess that is the main reason popularity for this ride diminished. It apparently was just "taking up space" at the Point.

The good news, if any, is that the ride is going to a new home.

So, here's to you, Demon Drop. Thank you for forever instilling that new ride feeling of anticipation and fear whenever I spent time with you. May you spark the those same feelings in a new generation of roller coaster enthusiasts on the left coast...

Facing your fears

What do you fear? When faced with that fear, how do you respond to it? Do you try to avoid all possible confrontation with that fear? What if the very place that you are intended to be is on the other side of that confrontation, but the only course of action is to face your fear?
Many a year back, I felt a strong calling into ministry, specifically working with youth. I knew that a ginormous obstacle in my way was going to be college, more specifically writing papers. I confronted my fears, for a while. But I could not see to the other side to the end result. It got to the point where I gave up school and the hope of God's calling. I mean, I can do ministry without a piece of paper, right?
I still firmly believe that. But this summer, I was reminded of something foundational to the building of my character. It was time to face my fear, and conquer it. Now I feel like I've been wandering in the desert for far too long. Is it still in God's plan for me to enter Youth Ministry in a paid position? Maybe in another area of the church. I really don't know. But I know that this fight is for me to complete.
Is this fight easy, not at all. I lack a lot of discipline when comes to focusing on my studies. Sometimes it is really just bout the process. To quote that great modern philosopher, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side, Its the climb.
Maybe God has great things in store for me as a result of getting a piece of paper with a degree on it. Maybe I will never "use" it and work in the "real world". That is ok by me. I just want to obedient to God's call in my life where ever he takes me. And for now its fighting through this thing that others have achieved so gracefully, but is so hard for me.
And now I leave you with this... here is a little clip about a guy who's trying to save the girl, but to do so he must face two of the worst things in the world combined. A zombie clown.
(Disclaimer. Yes this from a rated R movie. If you are offended by that, don't click on the play button.)

Let the church help.