Being Pissed off at God

God really pisses me off sometimes.

Jeff! How dare you say that!

I'm sorry if your offended by terminology, well not really. Wait to pass judgment on me until after you are done reading this.

I know that God is good. I know that God is loving. I know that God wants the best for me. Its just sometimes I'm a little slow to understand that. I struggle with why when I am living according to how I understand God's word and plan, he decides to do something different.

Look at Jonah, he knew that the Lord was gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and would forgive the people of Ninevah. Yet he was still angry at God for whatever reason.

When it comes down to being pissed off at God, I'm really pissed off at myself. I know what scripture says,"For my thoughts re not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55: 8-9. Francis Chan in Chapter two of his book, Crazy Love, reminds us that this whole life thing is not about us, it is about God. Everything that we do should be to point others to him and bring him glory.

I don't like change without knowing what is going to happen next. I want a God that I can understand, that I can predict, so I know what I am to do next. God does not mold himself into my view of who he should be... He already is who he is and has always been that way.

So here I am, frustrated at myself at times. I don't understand why God allows specific things to happen or not happen in my life. I don't understand his timing. I don't why he loves me so much and desperately wants me to surrender my stubborn heart over and over to his will in order to bring him glory. But one thing I know in the end: ultimately God is always right, whether I agree with him right away or not. So I must realize the sooner I wrestle through my thought processes and understanding, and surrender my heart to his will, and truly place my trust in him, he will make the path that I'm to travel straight. Easy? Most definitely not. I think the whole reason why its not easy is because I'm involved in this process. But that is how God chooses to teach me and refine me.