Go to Bethel and ___ ...

So, I'm currently at Bethel taking a break from my studies. In one my of my breaks, I have went to McDonald's to chat with a friend. In another break, I roamed to and fro on the campus.

I love to roam around the campus of Bethel, to listen to the movement of the trees, the gurgling of the ponds, to sit and watch people. There is something about this place... Something that calms my spirit - lets me slow down and listen to God in a way that is sometimes too unfamiliar to me.

Upon enrolling at Bethel eons ago, I had a feeling, that for some reason God had brought me here for a reason yet secret to me. Was it to help some girl with her Mrs. Degree? (its a joke... Well maybe partially) Was it to hasten my entry into the paid ministry? Was it for something else?

Seeing as how the first two are not happening quickly, I am leaning towards the last one. Maybe the last one incorporates the first two eventually, I don't know. But I will try to share with you what I do know.

As I roam the campus, I am also haunted of my actions here in the past. Haunted in the sense that the memories I have of previous time spent here will likely always invade my mind. I am slowly understanding why now.

God is showing me through my Biblical Interpretation class, a newfound love for his Word. As I was reading some of Yancey's "The Bible Jesus Read" God was slowly revealing a concept in a new light to me. Yancey was talking about how significant the OT was to Jesus, and is to us... How we can't have the complete story without it.

As much as I don't like to remember the past, God is showing me its necessary for several reasons:

• I am a little thick-headed at times, and it takes a lot for me to finally pay attention to Him
• No matter how much I don't enjoy some of the things I went through, God was with me then, and will continue to be with me now, and tomorrow

Do I know ultimately why God brought me to Bethel? Nope. But that is okay. I just need to focus and falling in love with Him, and not neglecting my studies, which I need to get back too..

Its Wenesday...

and I'm excited. Tonight is the kickoff for small groups. I'm excited to see what God has in store for these freshman boys, as well as for me. I feel like I have been refined once again, and am ready to hit it hard once more. More updates to follow...

I've been wondering...

How long are a Continental soldier's ears, and why does he throw them over his shoulder?

Is there anything good in me?

I have just gotten done looking in the mirror, and I hate what I see. After years of living a lie, I have to give it up, because there is no where else to go.
Is there nothing but evil in me, trying to look out for Jeff and not caring about anyone else? Right now I feel like it. Its a horrible thing to stare at it.
Now I know its not completely true. I feel remorse. I wish I could take back all the words, feelings, and have nothing but good memories built on a friendship.

But that can't be.

With everything that happens in life, there are consequences to actions. For me, there is a lot of hurt to endure. Pain. Emotional bankruptcy. I am down and the count is sounding off. I don't know if I will ever recover.



But in time, I will.

This is a necessary event if I want Christ to truly be what drives me. Every time I think I am there, I am once again humbled by him.


Will I ever find a special someone? Maybe one day. Right now, it looks like never. I pray that one day, when I am following after Jesus so intently, that I'd be following him so intently. If a meet someone I will, and if I don't, I don't. Either way I want it said that I followed Christ with all my heart.

To all you who know me: Can you ask me how I am doing from time to time? Am I passionately following Jesus with reckless abandon?



To that person out there, if they read this: I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did. I from the bottom of my heart wish you the best. Thanks for trying.

Jeffrey

Small Town Life

Its been over eleven months since I lived in this small town, yet I am continually being surprised by something. There is a phenomenon at the town square that I will not ever completely understand. Apparently at any given time, the town square will be closed, or obstructed. Near Halloween, they'll close it for pumpkin carving or trick-or-treating or something. At Christmas time there is a tree in the middle of the intersection, along with the "no left turn" signs. You have the Maple Syrup Festival in late April. At the beginning of the football season, part of the square was blocked off, and NW football players were meandering about.
There are other instances, that I still have no idea why the square was blocked. But today was the ultimate sign of a small town. Heading home from church today, a city cop veered in front of the guy in front of me, blocking the intersection in question. I thought to myself, "Well, maybe there is a funeral procession, or an ambulance is coming through." To my disappointment it was a procession, but of antique tractors and cars.

Monocle.

I first saw this on Jimmy Kimmel two weeks or so back.

Thursday, bloody Thursday

Am I the only one who can't stand Thursdays? Ok... So Thursday it itself is not a bad thing. It just so happens that for me, Thursday is the day of the week that would be classified by Daniel Powter as a "Bad Day." If I were to expect anything bad to happen to me, the occasion in which the events would transpire, would most likely happen on a Thursday.
"Jeff...Why is this so?" You might ask. After much contemplation, I have compiled a possible explanation for this freakish occurrence.
1. Thursday follows Wednesday. Wed. in itself is a long day because of Wed. Night Church. There is something about Wed. Night Youth Group, no matter having a big role or small part will do funny things to you. Most people I know will be wound up for a considerable amount of time after a Wed. Night. In this wound up state, it is futile to attempt to go to sleep, because you will inevitably fail. Your body may be tired, but the mind will keep on going.
Once you finally go to sleep, it is undoubtedly several hours after you should have went to bed. When the alarm rips into your finally peaceful rest, four hours too soon, you struggle to get up and start the daily grind all over again.
In this bedraggled state of being, one is overtly susceptible to people who are way too happy in the morning, not to mention being vulnerable to the attacks of the Enemy.
2. In my own life sometimes my own mistakes come to fruition on this day. I think because of what I explained in #1 is the perfect time for the Enemy to throw it in my face for maximum damage.
In closing, Its not that I want to complain about having bad days. I want to know how I can respond, not react to them, and and how to avoid them in the first place. That my friend, I'm still working on.

And so it begins...

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